An Indelible Gravitation
by breebree-chan
Summary: Shusei repressed the obstinate dread pooling in his stomach and replaced his blank expression with a meek smirk of amusement; an attempt to sway Hotsuma's growing suspicions away from the truth. It would only hurt him. Pairing: Hotsuma/Shusei.
1. Prologue: Pursuit

A/N: Hello! This is my first story finally uploaded onto FFN :) Hope you enjoy the prologue - I've nearly got my first chapter down, it just needs a little more... something. So my prediction is that it will be up in a few days or so.

Just a bit about the story...

I started watching Uraboku a while ago... and immediately fell in love with Luka, haha (insert love heart). I knew then and there that a story idea had to be formulated. But then the bloody show goes and throws in Hotsuma and Shusei! So here I am completely in love with the couple and writing a story.

I knew as soon as Hotsuma/Shusei were introduced that they were going to be the high rulers of angst, so I figured that a fluffy, light-hearted fic really wasn't for them - not yet anyway .. And that would be my reasoning for this melodramatic mess :) My justification for the pungent OOC-ness polluting the air? Have none. Ha ha... crap. . Ignore that/it as much as possible and _please_ don't kill me. Oh yes, and please do look out for a new story of mine (if it ever gets uploaded), it'll be Luka/Shusei and definitely illegal to read in numerous states (if you're under eighteen. Heeheehee).

Pairing: Hotsuma/Shusei.

Rating: I'll make it T for now. M when I decide that some rough smex is in order... which there will probably be.

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**An Indelible Gravit****ation**

Prologue: Pursuit

Written by breebree-chan

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_I'm not the one who will quench you._

Hotsuma's cheeks reddened despite his hatred of embarrassment. Why would Shusei even think... how could he think _that_? "W-What? L-Love Yuki? Don't be stupid! Of course I don't!"

Shusei pressed his lips together disbelievingly.

_Don't lie._

Finally willing his burning cheeks to extinguish, Hotsuma threw his partner an apprehensive glare, his golden eyes shining, demanding. "Shusei, what are with these questions? What's wrong?" He zeroed in on Shusei's eyes; the only giveaway of his true thoughts. Confliction and pain riddled his usually stoic, sandy eyes, indicated by the slight narrowing of his depths. Something was definitely wrong.

Shusei repressed the obstinate dread pooling in his stomach and replaced his blank expression with a meek smirk of amusement; an attempt to sway Hotsuma's growing suspicions away from the truth.

"Shusei, answer me." Hotsuma stood from the couch, a chance to intimidate the explanation from his best friend. He ignored the look of apparent amusement on Shusei's face and continued to wait. He wouldn't fool him again.

Shusei refused to delegate a response. He merely cast his eyes away shamefully, hiding behind the fringe that Hotsuma always found so very infuriating. This time probably wasn't exempt from it, he could see the anger coursing through his partner. It was easier to hide though, and also to run. It meant that Shusei didn't have to talk or confront problems.

"Tell me what's wrong!" Hotsuma hissed. This was becoming ridiculous. He grabbed the front of Shusei's white shirt in his hands, this time careful not to tear off the buttons. He was not brooking for disagreement this time.

Shusei's hands stiffened as they sat in his lap, the fingers threaded together loosely.

_I can't. _

A few seconds went by, and then a whole minute without either speaking a word. Hotsuma's frown deepened, but he refused to relent; his grip on Shusei still unbroken. He knew though, that sometimes receiving any sort of straight answer from Shusei was near impossible. However, he was not well known for his patience, of which was running short in supply with Shusei's infuriating silence. Hotsuma opened his mouth, ready to say something, when a look of hesitation crossed his face. A second's thought into what he would say passed, and then the hesitation vanished into mist. "If... if you think that I'd be better off without you, you're dead wrong," he managed to all but choke out. Hotsuma wasn't used to confrontational speaking, nor did he find it in any way pleasurable. Shusei knew that, and expected it. In a way, it was endearing. "If you're thinking of taking your life again, Shusei, I swear..."

Shusei shook his head dismissively. No. That had been resolved.

"Then what is it?" Hotsuma demanded.

Shusei bit his lip.

_Please don't make me say it_.

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Hope you enjoyed it! 

So uh... that review button's looking kinda hungry *whistles nonchalantly*.


	2. Chapter One: Stolen Pieces of Sky

A/N: See? Told you it'd be out :) Thanks to all those who read and enjoyed it! Special thanks to Joule Sweet, of whom reviewed most kindly!

Okay, so this chapter is a little... hm. Not how I wanted it, but let's see how it goes.

Pairing: Hotsuma/Shusei 3

Rating: TTTTT :)

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**An Indelible Gravitation**

Chapter One: Stolen Pieces of Sky

Written by breebree-chan

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Shusei had never really had an affinity for anything. Nothing drew him in like the way that Tsukumo-kun was drawn to sweets, or how Reiga was lulled towards darkness. Nothing captured his attention quite in that way. Even if it did so happen that he picked up a sort of fixation on something or somebody, how was he to know what it was and if it truly existed? He'd never had one before. Well except for now, he suspected, when all he could stare at was the manner in which Hotsuma slept. Shusei pulled his duvet tighter around himself as he lay on his side observing his partner, deep in slumber from across the room. Between them was the bright silhouette of the moon, shining through the unshaded window onto the carpeted floor. So peaceful an image was developing a certain preciousness to Shusei, because as of late, things had become... well, not so peaceful to put it simply, and he was grateful for those small mercies – however strange they were. And they were. Burying his face into his pillow, he groaned breathily, squeezing his eyes closed to shut out the image of Hotsuma's relaxed expression from his mind.

_For God's sake, sleep already!_

He nestled further into the fluff of his pillow until it turned out he had to breathe, and rolled onto his side, again facing that slumbering form opposite him. Slowly, he allowed his eyes to slide open as sleep felt all but futile by now. Shusei's heart skipped a beat and his stomach did an unnerving flip as he looked into the eyes of the now very alert, very confused, very _awake_ gaze of his partner.

_Oh, God._

Still blinking off the blurriness of sleep, Hotsuma cleared his throat. "Na Shusei, you okay?"

Unexpectedly, Shusei could find no words which could derail his best friend's concern.

Yawning and rubbing his eyes, Hotsuma displayed a look of vulnerability that he rarely revealed. "Shusei?"

Shusei shut his eyes for the briefest of moments.

_Stop it, please..._

He reopened them again after he composed himself, his face absent of his previous anxieties. "Yes, I'm okay," he whispered. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

His partner sighed and rubbed his cheek against his pillow. "Mm, maybe... don't really remember."

Amused, Shusei let free a smirk. He knew he needn't be so uptight; no one could see him anyway, but that's just how he was.

"Are you cold?" Hotsuma's warm voice – even in his altered state of consciousness – seemed to cut through the silence like the smell of freshly baked cookies in a stale room. After all, he was God's Voice; that ability made it clear.

Unconsciously, Shusei shivered when asked the question. "A little." Almost shyly, he added, "Why do you ask?"

It took his partner a few moments to reply, and Shusei suspected the premature awakening was responsible for his delay.

"I can go to you... if want. Warm you up... fire has to be good for something..."

Shusei's heart began fluttering madly. He didn't even know why. Apparently the prospect of being curled up with Hotsuma in bed sent his brain into overdrive, not to mention his body, judging by the fresh new tremors now running frantically up and down his spine. He still didn't understand why though. What had it promised him in return? It was just a warm body to keep him at a more comfortable body temperature level.

Wasn't it?

And while Shusei agonised over his answer, Hotsuma, without waiting for his answer any longer, slid clumsily out of his bed and treaded heavily over to Shusei's bed, dragging his pillow and extra blanket with him. He hardly even needed to even open his eyes for the trek. He'd known Shusei for too long now to know that this silence was just Shusei's way of expressing his embarrassment of agreeing to his offer. It was almost second nature by now. Gently nudging Shusei to shuffle over onto the other side of the bed, Hotsuma then threw his pillow down haphazardly next to Shusei's and slumped down next to him, throwing the blanket over the both of them in the process.

Efficient yet ungraceful. But Shusei didn't really care about that.

Hotsuma wriggled for a few minutes, finding and exploring what position felt comfortable in an unfamiliar bed with another person. After a while, he found that having his arms wrapped around Shusei's waist afforded for the most comfortable of snuggling positions – plus, it would warm the other guardian up quicker, his hazy mind thought fuzzily. With his head nuzzling the crook of Shusei's cool neck, it didn't take long for Hotsuma to drift back into sleep.

It was a different story for Shusei. Even with Hotsuma's arms wrapped securely around him, Shusei knew that Hotsuma remained farther away than he could ever dream to reach. The pain of that reality throbbed achingly in his throat, threatening him to _feel_. Although he wouldn't admit it out loud, but Shusei was scared. He couldn't reveal this. Shusei no longer had the capacity to do such a thing. He swallowed back the pain like some sort of rotten food that he himself had put in his mouth.

Idly, Shusei's fingers reached down to the hands holding him captive and stroked them gently. A new, unknown pain erupted in his heart when he did this, giving him the insomnia that would indelibly keep him awake that night.

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"_Promise you won't ever leave me, Shusei." _

Hotsuma knew this memory well. He knew it back to front, sideways, longways... any angle there could possible be. He knew it. His dreams carried him here often enough. Almost like a gravitational pull pulling him back in time every single Goddamn night. Watching knowingly, he saw his younger self at Shusei's doorstep, pleading his best friend into committing his life to him. Looking back, it seemed all so _selfish_.

"_I won't. I promise," _little Shusei said, gathering the similarly sized Hotsuma into his kind embrace.

Hotsuma frowned as he watched his smaller self go to pieces. The memory, however many times repeated every night, still _hurt_. Reluctantly continuing to watch, he observed the two boys as they disappeared inside and readied themselves for sleep. Unlike the norm when he would wake by now, his sight zoomed in on Shusei instead. He'd slipped away from the bathroom where Hotsuma was washing his face and into his living room where his parents were sitting next to each other on the couch watching the television. He heard him wish his parents a good night and kiss each one on their forehead affectionately. Hotsuma's heart fluttered from the unfamiliar scene in front of him. It was a rare occasion when Shusei would show such affection.

"_Wait, Shusei," _Shusei's mother held her arm out in a reaching gesture. _"What about your dinner? We put aside some for you while you were talking to Hotsuma-kun."_

Hotsuma's brows rose.

"_Perhaps you or father can pack it for lunch tomorrow."_

Shusei's mother and father looked concerned. _"Aren't you hungry, dear? You usually have such a good apatite..."_

Shusei smiled reassuringly and shook his head. _"Not really... I'm sorry mother."_

"_Alright... but you'll have an extra big breakfast tomorrow morning, okay?"_

"_I will."_ With that, Shusei turned and left the room.

Hotsuma's stomach ached with dread. He remembered this. He remembered overhearing the whole conversation before Shusei returned to their room. As a child however, he hadn't thought anything of it. He hadn't known that that singular, seemingly meaningless conversation had hinted the beginning of the worst devastation that his best friend would ever befall. At that time... he didn't know that Shusei probably had plans of his own too, and Hotsuma had ruined them so flawlessly, so_ ignorantly_. He probably never even considered the _plausibility_ of Shusei _not _being by his side. It never crossed his mind a life without him. The fear though, had consumed him. The utter terror of being alone ate him up inside, leaving nothing for anybody else – leaving nothing for Shusei. Furrowing his brows, Hotsuma realised that he'd been taking robbing Shusei of his _life_; stealing his air. He'd done it so eventual too, so that it'd pushed his partner into staying with him. He'd starved it from him, and then made him crave it from him. Hotsuma felt sick. So it had been his fault that Shusei wanted to die. He hadn't even known.

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Shusei had known Hotsuma all his life to be a heavy sleeper – one who liked to sleep-in if he could help it. So it was overtly strange to find his partner wake early. To avoid any sort of confrontation, Shusei pretended to sleep as Hotsuma rose out of bed. To Shusei's slight chagrin, Hotsuma did not leave as he intended, and instead remained sitting in bed for a while. Shusei's heart nearly leapt out of his skin when he finally felt the dip of the bed and the brush of... something against his cheek. It was warm and soft, and moved his fringe away from his closed eyes. What was Hotsuma doing?

"I'm sorry, Shusei," he heard Hotsuma whisper. Shusei's body tingled pleasantly as Hotsuma's hot breath tickled the back of his neck and ear; indicating his closeness.

Shusei didn't understand what Hotsuma meant, but kept still anyway; waiting. Not long after, he felt the reassuring spring of the mattress as his partner left the bed, and then the biting morning air at his bare back. He heard the door click shut and let out a sigh of relief. He hadn't been caught.

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Please drop me a review if you have time! I'd really like to know how this is going...

Thanks for reading :)


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